"I will hope in Him"

"But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul,
'therefore I will hope in him.'" (Lamentations 3:21-24)It had been nearly three years since I last wore scrubs. Three weeks ago, I was wearing them again at four-something in the morning as I drove away from home to head in for duty. I knew it was going to be dark again by the time I got home that night -- it was going to be a very long day.

But I was excited that dark & early morning; I'd been looking forward to that day with a special sense of hope & excitement. I was going to Mexico for a medical mission trip!

In one sense, I wasn't doing anything new. From my first cross-cultural mission experience nearly 14 years ago onward, God had blessed me with many mission trips to Mexico -- too many to count. Several of those trips included medical ministry, & I'd certainly been involved in various mission efforts in farther, more difficult-to-reach, & more difficult-to-adapt-to places. This day-trip to a bordertown in Mexico wasn't supposed to be a big deal at all.

But it WAS a big deal to me: it was the first time I'd even considered cross-cultural missions in a long time. Since I'd screwed up in life with such colossal consequences, in some ways I felt that missions was now out of my league, something I couldn't even think about doing anymore.

God wouldn't let go of me though, & He was slowly reminding me of the vastness of His love, that it was more than enough to cover my sin. For the past two years I marvelled at how God still chose to use me in my practice to share His goodness with my patients despite my own sin & brokenness before Him. Growing within me was a confidence in Jesus' love for me, that He would always want to use me to share Him with others. Then I found out about a special opportunity through my work for this trip to Mexico. As I applied, I was candid with the leadership about my current situation, & I also shared with them my desire to re-learn firsthand God's care for all peoples. I was glad to know that they still welcomed me to join them.

The whole trip was a very, very big blessing to me. The blessing wasn't anything flashy or glamorous (none of the ills I treated were life-threatening, I saw fewer patients than I'd expected, & there was even a makeshift laboratory available to us in the tent across from ours), but rather that God would deign to use little old me -- a man of shamefully little faith -- to serve His kingdom among my poor brothers & sisters of Tijuana. Claudia (the Nicaraguan-American nurse/translator assigned to me) & I were able to bless many of our patients as we shared God's truth & prayed with them.

Another special blessing was to work quietly alongside people who were on their first mission trip, to see their excitement at God's unfolding the new horizon of cross-cultural service before them. Their joy & enthusiasm for Jesus were blessedly infectious! Yet another bonus blessing was the chance to eat authentic Mexican tacos (including tripe tacos -- yum, yum)!

I wish I could write that my life of late has been one of steady growth & faith, but there remain a lot of ups & downs. Sometimes I lament at where I'm "supposed to be" had I not been so foolish & rebellious: at this point I would have been completing language school in preparation for a mission hospital post in Niger. I had thought that the next time I'd be in scrubs would be in Africa (I originally limited myself to out-patient clinic work in order to have predictable time to prepare to go overseas). I'm saddened to think how far I'd gone "off" course.

But I find that it is exactly at these times of disappointment & despondency, that I myself am in need of the Gospel most. The Gospel reminds me of God's sovereign, loving rule over even all my mistakes. It reminds me that Jesus' sacrifice was more than sufficient to pay for my sin, & promises to change me from within. And, it reminds me that I am indeed where I'm supposed to be... humbly accepting His lavish love as He guides me through life one day at a time.

God willing, I'd like to take more of these short mission trips. I look forward to the day when Jadon will be able to join me, the day when he & his daddy would be able to serve God side by side not only locally but also in a foreign land. But whether Jadon & I will ever be able to serve together overseas or not, my deepest prayer for him is that he will know this all-redeeming God who is worthy of all our worship.

"Oh sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all the earth!
Sing to the LORD, bless his name;
tell of his salvation from day to day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous works among all the peoples!
For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised;
he is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols,
but the LORD made the heavens.
Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and beauty are in his sanctuary." (Psalm 96:1-6)